Hmm... met up with Juan on Wednesday night at town. Nothing much just slacking. LOL. This few days my life have been corrupted again. I sleep at 7am or 3pm and woke up in the wee hours. Damn it. Really have to try the hard way to get my life back to normal. Anyway, I haven't sleep. Post till here then. I'm off to my bed. Its seducing me. LOL

NIGHTS!

Shag.

Juan and me.
My hair doesn't eat the hair dye, ash grey. Its so ah lian can. =.=

Ya I know. A Pregnant women.

LALALA =X

Emo again ...

LALALA.

Outside Cine.

Opera Diva.

Mocha and Double Choc Frappe.

Black Rose<33333 not real one lah. lol

There's nothing else I can say.

sigh

我快要发疯了。

那些情绪，情感不断的折磨我。要哭，哭不出来。要笑，笑不出来。 难过时，我迫使我自己快乐。压低了我的情绪不见得好过。我该这么办？真的不能麻木我自己吗？

我要麻木！我要麻木！

Chinese New Year;Chu Yi-Chu Er

28th Jan. Tuseday.

Woke up at 3pm. Yes I pig die. ;D Reached home at 7 am mar LOL. Ate lunch at home, daddy done the cooking in the morning and went out already. At 6pm cabbed to my Big Aunt's house with my brother. Met up with daddy at the bus stop and went Marina there. DAMN CROWED. And have to line-up to get in there wtf =.= cause they don't allow drinks and food to enter there. Bought the Korean Rice Pancake, Nice can. Then went home. Nothing much this year. Kinda disappointed. Chinese New Year leh... Don't have any nice food there, KNS alot Malay Stall wtf =.= All sell pasam malam thing zzzz CNY leh eat Mee Siam? Eat Fried Noodle? SIAO. Walk walk then saw a Korean stall. Of course eat something never eat before de lar. After that bus-ed home.

A life without you.

Korean Rice Pancake. NICE CAN
That Cai Shen Ye. Alamak ps arh. My phone camera sucky.
Reach just in time to watch the Pian Pao. Loud die.
The nice entrance.
I see the Wheel colour lighting turn red then take de =X

27th Jan. Monday.

Went over to Xiu Juan house the day before Monday went back home at 7 am. I never sleep jiu go Pai Nian already. Steady right. LOL went Ah Ma house eat Mee Sua, as usual she knows I'll take two hard boiled egg. Then went back home daddy also cook Mee Sua, same he gave me two hard boiled egg also. Jialat..4 eggs already. No wonder last time my math exam and test so many 0. After that Mummy came over to my house. Then we cabbed down to Jurong West Wai Po's house pian nian cause my 2nd older brother is there waiting already. Talked to Er Kor alot. LOL Cause I never see him for about 2 years already. Da Kor wasn't there, he at his girlfriend house LOL. Mummy miss him leh. See no wonder my mummy dote me most =X cause I'm her only daughter. LOL. Ate steamboat there and collect entry fee =X After that went off together with er kor and didi. Meet up with Juan at Bugis at 9. Slacked in Starbucks. After that Nick came over too. The 3 of us went Kallang in midnight. Slacked and played card game.. went home at 6 am plus. Took bus 16 to PS there. Went to 7-11 buy slipper(Juan's BTH that heels) and bought something to munch on. then Homed at 7+am. That night.. I missed someone. Badly.

Emo-ed.

Never sleep dao D: see my face so shag.

Now she look even more shag then me. LOL

Really CMI sia me.

The heels... too high for me ;X

Star-watching...............................

You hurt me more then these heels.

Lets See who's that stupid donkey!

Great it was me. Damn it.. whole 8 rounds I am the donkey.

Juan and Nick.

She sieh BUSY.

Lady Luck. <3

Chu Yi, Pai Nian.. I wore all black except for my belt and nails. =.=

Er Kor, Mummy and me.

Er Kor, Mummy, Me and Didi.

I don't want to..but I just can't stop missing you.

Yesterday was freaking busy! Doing housework >.< Bathed Shiko as well. After that rush to Bugis to meet Juan. Then waited for Ah Seng. Went Yoshinoya for dinner. After that went to her block slacked at the staircase. Then went her room, we are like crazy women lah.. webcam-ed with beloved Zhen do lots of lame stuffs. LOL. Then at around 3 am plus, walk to Liang Seah Street to look for Jasmine for Juan's HP Charger. Then walk to Mustafa reach there like 4 am liao. Looking for hair dye, wanted the Cherry Pink Highlight Hair dye but LOL none are left =.=' And the Cherry Pink is not pink at all, more like Bright Red ): RED! ended up we bought a Ash Grey Highlight and a Black hair base dye. Went home at 6 am. And Daddy has already started to cook so I no need to cook ;p just open my mouth and eat. Not enough sleep ~__~ Later gonna go Juan house again ;x Blog till here then~

Fried Fish.

Those small orange or mandarin, I choose de loh. =X
Huat Kueh, Huat dao hen mei =3

Roasted Duck.

Roasted Chicken.

Roasted Pork.

Asparagus.

Dinner at Yoshinoya.

Koko, Handsome liao =x

Don't like to take photo one, see nv smile. Glum Face.

"Getting use to the life without you. But somehow I miss you still."

Gotta change myself. So setting some rule with DJ aniki.

New Leen Rule:

No1. Don't Fall In Love.
No2. Don't Lend Money To People (Especially those I had never meet before).
No3. Must Enjoy Life.
No4. Don't Trust People easily.
No5. Don't be too soft hearted.
No6. Must Love and Pamper Myself more.
No7. Don't Do the Same Mistake Ever again.

So Leen, CHANGE!

I realised I am such a idiot such a big big fool. I helped someone without thinking of myself. Ended up now, I owned her something. WTF?

Story detail:
A called me for help as A needs help. I said I'll help. I helped A abit at the 1st month, but it wasn't enough so A got B to help. Ok B helped. Then 2nd month I help again cause I said I will and still it wasn't enough so A called C to help. C help. And problem was solved with B. 3rd month I helped A again as I had said I will in the 1st month. Same it wasn't enough. So A returned C something. So problem is solved with C. Now, this time A said I owned A something.
Can get the picture?

When I helped, every month I am left with nothing. Simply just enough for me to go on for a week. And this is what I get in return. *LAUGHS* Never think that this will happen. SO HYPOCRITE. This very minute, can be as good as you thought you can confess everything to. And the next, rants about you like you are detested.

Shall not include names and the helps I gave. Even in this state, I'm protecting a Hypocrite. -laughs- Just because, A was once someone whom I trusted, someone whom I thought I can confide everything with. For what right?

LMAO. Sickeningly laughing at myself.

Today in the afternoon I did not on my computer and online *Claps* I am helping out at home doing housework *CLAPSS*. Its so rare that I help out the whole afternoon. LOL Eh Juan don't say I very messy liao. Cause I got do housework today okay. Now neat die okay! Ya I know the tidiness won't last long. Cause I am a very very very lazy person. I'll just throw my bag one side and kicks my slipper out the other side and toss my purse and keys one side. LOL. I throw alot of my storybooks le ): The whole set of Sesame Street and the Smarty books which followed me for the whole of my life.. Well they're almost as old as me or maybe 2 years younger then me. I throw it all away ); And some other books also. LOL Well I love to read when I was much younger. I remember I can finish a 1 and a 1/2 inch book within a day. LOL I read so fast that my dad is scare of me asking him to buy more. He insisted I go to the library to read.

Can't wait to receive red packets and some allowance. I had been aiming for the bags for about 4 to 6 months ago? Well.. If only.. nah there's no IF-s. If I know I won't be what I am today already. If I know I ask my mother don't give birth to me already =.=" STOPS*

I really realise that I don't have those essential things that a lady should have. I should go get myself some already. A nice shawl, a nice lady wallet, a "Nv Outdated" bag the list just go on and on. Hmm but I want a tattoo also... but I'm afraid if I get marry, the wedding gown expose too much then can see alamak ~__~ Siao also don't know can get marry anot.

ZZZ today my brother saw his ex school-mate. Same age as me, and she's getting marry x.x and even bought a flat with her future husband already. Power, I also want. And...not I want to say people or gossip or talk bad lah... She fatter then me, she shorter then me, she can get marry lehzxzxzxz!!! Wah lao eh, I think I can hide inside storeroom liao. Eh she never tiow kia okay. NB I fated to be like that sial. Never mind never mind, no people want no people want loh.

I KNOW WHO WANTS ME! LEE XIU JUAN AND CHUA YI ZHEN!! HAHAHA! AND THE TIKO PEH!

Who will want someone like me? I'm just a slut. I am inconsiderate, I am always cheating on people's feelings, I am selfish, I lie all the time, I am bad, I am fat and ugly.. Whatever it is, I am not worth people loving me. I don't deserve people doting me. Cause this type of girl like me is useless and valueless from top to toe and from inside out. Two Word, CHEAP SLUT.

But then, what I want is someone who cares. Someone whom understand my needs. Someone to stand beside me all the time. Someone who'll catches my heart. Something feeling more real more heart warming then family and friends can give. But all I get is just emptiness.
Woke up as a total stranger.

I never thought that one day I'll wake up and everything would change but it happened. The next day, you didn't love me anymore.

You might think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Now I see that if I wear a mask and live my life. I will be happier. Much more happier then I can get. I might be able to fool the world, fool everyone but still I know I cannot fool my heart. So what? As long as I feel better this way. When I looked into the mirror I was wondering if my reflection knows who really am I inside. This question shall be answered and to known by on one other then me.

As long as I hide my heart, my feelings and my true self. No one will ever REACH me, nothing will turn out bad. Keep every little thing to myself would be safer. So what if it hurts? Its less hurting then what people can give.

I didn't force myself to do this, I choose to be like this. I must be like this. Concealing myself. Protecting myself. Keep all my ability to feel deep inside of me and maybe one day I can really don't feel and that obviously would be the best ever. And my advice to whoever who come across here. Don't try to talk to me I might not speak in a nice way. Those trying to open my heart, sorry I've tossed away the key to my heart. Don't try. Don't waste your time.

And who knows, my heart is free to fly someday.

I don't want anybody to love ME.

I DON'T NEED LOVE.

I have my friends and family, its good enough.

I DON'T DESIRE LOVE. I DETEST THAT WORD LOVE AND ITS MEANING.

Its just an useless emotion/feeling that brings nothing but hurt. Whatever you do, don't make me hate you.

Yuhuuuu! Enjoy alot alot! ;D

Sama, went Bugis for meet up with my babes! Sorry was late today girls, reached at 3 pm plus while actually meeting time was 2pm ): Actually wanna keep my promise of wearing the black dress de. But then that dress don't go well with slipper ): cause we said wear slipper le mar. So wear that dress again just to go with slippers. Hehs, so qiao eh? One in black dress, one in white dress while I have both black and white colour in my dress =p Finally bought that bag ^.^v . Today damn paiseh leh. =.= Talk to the wrong person when we're in Aldo. zzz not the first time le loh. Mistaken some other people as Zhen. =.= Went for the Wanton Mee -slurps!- then went over to Pets station to take a look at the hamster cages. Then walked past Venezia, bth go buy the ice cream =X Dark Chocolate is my favourite loh! Bought 2 scoops dark chocolate and tiramisu. The Dark Chocolate is the best lar, told you girls le ;p Then walk and walk until sieh tired. Went to take some neoprints after so long! Eh, Finally see a GREAT change in me ler right compare to those old neoprints =X LMAO.

Then, Xian and Sheng meet us in Bugis. They're hungry so went to the food court for dinner but then only Xian, Sheng and their friend had their dinner. After dinner went to Starbucks and slack. And god damn it, played True or Dare out of boredom. Me loh gek kiang, volunteer to use my lip-gross to act as the spinner ): Regret tons. Shall not rant much about what happen when we played the True or Dare. Just regret :( I eyed the Valentine's cookie in Starbucks -.- Juan and Co. told someone about that. ZZZ For heaven sake, he really did buy that for me. D: Damn paiseh one you know anot. Grrrrr! Hai wo like tomato lar please! =.= After that all guys went home~ Left us 3 again ("V") sit down near the fountain and talked, yes Heart to Heart session again =p In middle Zhen and I feel the urge of going to the ladies walk over to Mac at corner of Bugis Street and had our supper there.

Slacked all the way to 3 am. Walked Juan home and took cab home with Zhen. And hey, MAKE SURE BOTH OF YOU DOLL UP ON THE NEXT MEET UP OKAY?! You girls looks great. Serious ;D

Sis ("V")

Again ("v")
("V")("v")~Juan;Zhen;Leen~("v")("V")( I look obviously FAT and ROUND.)

.....?

X.X

Juan;Zhen ( Say le, Looks great to me mar ;] )

This two D: after the clock stroked at midnight, they took off their fake lashes.

Okay, this is fugly.

As Juan requested.

._. Juan!! ( This is what happen to me, when I hear *Ying Wen*)

._."

A Boo with a Bleah =p

I know, I know we're lame.

Lamers. ;x

Wahahaha took it without her noticing.

See, when she gets tired, She goes .........

=X

Say le, Dark Chocolate Nice lar!

Starbucks.

True or Dare?

Thanks for the cookie Sheng. But still I'm sorry. Didn't want to hurt you but sorry.

Cause, he's still in my freaking heart.