I was wondering all these while, am I a fool or a toy. Though I can't bring myself to believe that. I was trying to be understanding all these while. You needed me, I said I'll be there. Have you ever think that, what I was doing for the past 6 months is for you? Its true that I have many mistakes. But I hadn't done anything that was wrong for myself. When I was with you, I did chat with guys, I did meet up with guys but I did not do anything that is wrong. You were angry, I apologised. Besides apologise, I really don't know what else I can do. I can't find you, I can't call you. I can only sms. I wanted to call at all times, but then I know you can't pick up cause you had said before that when you were working, you can't always pick up the calls or even reply the sms. Had I ever kicked a fuss out of it? And that you don't always have the time to come online and accompany me, did I ever get mad and starts all my unreasonable nonsense at you?

Had you ever consider or being concern about my feelings? Don't you understand that I am suffering as well? Why did I gave up.. If it wasn't for the doubts my friends have I wouldn't be posting everything here. I gave up cause of your doings -By not answering my calls and refused to reply most of my calls and smses, I tried my best to make up everything.. I know I wasn't that good to make things work. I can only said sorry. And to learnt that my apologise was actually useless and had no value at all. I really roll down the slope and falled in an bottomless pit. And I really really got no ideal what else I can do to make you realised that I am really sorry and I needed you. By then I am already in deep despair. And at that time I did not received your calls, your sms, needless to say I cannot feel the love you said you had for me anymore, I cannot see the hopes and light you once gave me. I was all alone. You had leave me alone. Just because, I triggered my anger in audit, sending some sms when I was still angry and I included how I was feeling. But after everything, I apologise again, yeah it was useless needless to say. Just because of all this you start to put me aside, thus I am losing all the hopes which leads to giving up the love I once treasure.. and once needed. But do you know the process of giving up wasn't a bit of pleasant at all? And still I am foolish enough to think that you will contact me no matter what. Good enough, I had reached the bottom of the "seems like bottomless" pit. Then I was thinking alot alot.. more then I usually think. Did I just fall into a gimmick of love like before again? Did I just sacrifice for nothing? Did I just loved someone who wasn't mean to be loved by me? Did you actually ever loved me? All these thoughts running everywhere in my mind in my heart and was choking by it.

Then I got the aid from some angels. And I slowly got myself out of the pit. And now.. I am on my way to the peak of the life should be.. Happiness? I don't know. In fact I don't how should I carry on with life. And then.. I found out I mislead myself again... and was lost in the dense forest again. But still angels are here with me, guiding me, wiping every teardrops away and clearing my undesired thoughts and supporting me throughout all the ups and downs.

It wasn't totally your fault or my fault. We both had Faults.

Maybe life will be better if I can learn Not to Love.