Kill me.

I'm still so bereaved.
I know what's gone is gone.
But I can't find a way to live happily.
Sometimes I think I am a complicated person who I don't even understand myself.
Why am I still so grief-stricken?
Not only because of my dad but also this very person.
I found out that I've lost my smile. I don't really smile from my heart even since then.
I guess, the only happiness I have now is my little love, Shiko my pet dog.
And the Nursing course I appeal I really do hope I can be approved.

Friends of mine are all getting married and having babies.
Kind of envious. Then it suddenly struck me. 10-10-10.
It this possible in the first place. I'm starting to think of it so much.
And I come out with a "impossible." although I really wish it can be possible.
All the pieces I gathered and stick up has too many skepticism. So many doubts.
Like, why is there always excuses for not meeting up? How can it be this and that.
He leave too much puzzle for me to solve. All most all are unsolvable. Even if it can be solved there's still too many confusions.

I feel that was to hide something from me. And thus leaving me guessing this and that.
I got tired out. Maybe you might think why hasn't I get over this yet.
To be honest, though lots of mysteries he's the one who make me feel so wanna settle down. And bingo, I still misses him and I want to solve all the puzzles!
But on the other hand, I kept reminding myself not to.

See that is why I say I think I am a complicated person. Gahh.

Let it go please and forget about it.