My life, a bed of black roses tinted crimson.

Hey-ya CNY's getting over eh. Hah, this CNY to me is so meaningless.
How can a family be happy with a missing member? Laughs.
What a joke heaven played on me urh... Well, it's life nothing last forever.

2 is better than 1? Memories? All this blah blah blah, love sucks as much as life.
But still, we humans kept falling in love even though it sucks so much.
Worst is we fall in love with the WRONG one. And worst of the worst, sometimes we just can't simply forget about it. Darn isn't is? Why bother to love those who'd fucking hurt you?
Cause they simply knows we're totally in-love with'em and then they can start all their shits.
It's fucking wrong to do that seriously. Why don't they have retributions? God gotta Fuck em hard.

I'm always ranting for the same old damn thing again and again.
I wonder, am I regretting it now.

Goodbye to you, once my invisible lover.
It is a high price to pay to fall in love with someone like you.
And it's a love with no outcome NO NOTHING.

They are the same. They're, the silent murderer.

I've caged myself at home. I refuse to get in contact with anyone except for Anu.
Anu, my boyfriend now who had been through all the downs with me ever since the first day he said he would be there.
And true enough, he did. But why? Why can't you do the same as well JLJJ?
Cause you were just using me like a kid playing with the toy. Isn't it.
And now I don't even know why do I still think of you at times. I really don't.

Life's is so meaningless at all. Imagine, every one's blaming you for the death of someone.
And yea, they pointed fingers exchanged remarks saying ''You're/She's the cause of the death of your dad''. And my dear dear mother, she yelled at me when we was there to collect the remains of my passed away dad at the mortuary accusing me of causing his death infront of every relative and every of my father's friends. Cool huh? And yea that makes me a murderer.

One thing they didn't know, they long ago murder me. I'm just a zombie-fied human walking on earth. Interesting urh? Well I do agree I murder my dad, if I had stepped out of my house earlier I could have met him halfway to the MRT station and maybe I could have just save him.
Stated in the death certificate of my dad, Hypertensive Heart Disease. And you all blamed me of causing him to have Hypertention which lead to his death?

Have you ever wonder, who is the one who make life so difficult in the first place? My dear Mum. It was you. If you hadn't divorce with father when he is out of job, leaving us behind with nothing at all. Let us be motherless and being mock by other people and being bully just because of your selfish reason. If is was not you, I could have strive better. All because I don't have mother people treat me in a different way. I start to hate everything. I hated every single thing in my life. And a old-fashioned strict father like mine, do you think life's good? But still I pull through, and whatever I've done seems wrong. Where the hell did I go wrong? Being compared since secondary school isn't good at all. I did my best in my studies and finally got 2nd in class when I was in secondary two. I thought this will make my father happy and feel proud of me. But alas, he just sit there saying its not good enough and shakes his head throughout. But he praised my brother when his result was far more worst then mine. He got all just passed not even a top 10 in class. Since then, I really hate schooling and you might have guessed right, I become rebellious. I fought with people, I make trouble everywhere.

And then I become so useless, why? Cause to my dad, everything I've done was wrong or it was not good enough, never good enough. So I just do whatever I like. Till then, I always wanted. The taste of drugs. In my sec school life it was just Contact Cement and the pill 5. Then I went for coughing syrups, 5, 15, ecstasy, ketamine. I love ecstasy the most. It was a psychoactive drug with hallucinogenic like properties. (Shall not elaborate more) Afterall, I've stop taking drugs. Its a promise to my dad as well as my bf and my beloved sister.

Then someone who had been through what I am going through now showed up. She talk to me like no one else did. She understand what I'm feeling and everything. It was true that in the first place my dad, my mum, my brother, my relatives did not try to understand me. Cause to them I'm difficult to dealt with. Now, she had stand up for me everyone tries to amend their way towards me. But so sorry, I wouldn't want fake pretender. Cause I know, eveyone of them are all fake. She is my cousin, Cousin Lynn. I really appreciated what she had done for me. And the only one I opened up my heart and confided in her.

But, it won't change the fact that I don't trust anyone in the family except for cousin Lynn.
Cause, they all are just pretenders.

I'm okay now. Cause I know, there's a sky above every one's head. And its the same sky.

My gum's killing me. I have a huge swell at the wisdom tooth area. It's hurting for me to eat or drink. I hope this torture could end faster. Its affecting my speech as well. ):

If by any chance you were reading this, the Song Cry Me Out is for you. -JLJJ.